i'm a million different people from one day to the next

today the red waves are curled up into a beret, the lips are slicked with candy red gloss and the wool skirt has been unleashed for the season. today, je pense que je suis comme une belle parisienne.

i sometimes feel that i live my life as a series of theme days. i choose identities to suit my mood: one day cyberpunk butch, all clompy boots and black black eyeshadow. the next, seventies siren, complete with flippy hair and electric blue eyeshadow. another, forties vamp, tight skirt, high heels and smooth hair, liquid eyeliner and red lips. still another, preppy reject, collared shirts and argyle sweater, sweet smile and kneesocks. beatnik intellectual: black turtleneck, ponytail and eyeglasses. lower east side fashion victim: flat cap, big earrings, i love new york tote, spike heels and tight jeans. serious professional: suit, heels.

i enjoy it, i love the game of dress-up, though for years i wondered if it meant that i lacked a sense of identity, that i was looking for myself in one of these women i kept trying on. the thing that i've realized, though, is that my search through them is actually the very root of my identity. i am all of these women at one time or another, as all women are.

i just let them pick their own wardrobes sometimes.