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i am all cried out.  the morning after my 22-hour crying jag, my eyes feel bruised and swollen and my skin dry and chapped. but i feel whole. for a while there i didn't think i would. i cried like i was drowning, i cried like i'd been betrayed in the worst way, i cried like someone who had lost something they'd waited a long time to find.
i had a cavalcade of chaperones to get me through the immediate aftermath--krissa, who called and texted and emailed and called me from the airport until she was certain i was being looked after; jason, who came over with movies and hugs and let me cry all over him in the most disgraceful manner; neela, who came over with beer and sympathy and sound advice; steph and biscuit and roos, who put up with my weakness and weeping online all day.
and then there was sleep. never mind that my sheets still smell like him, never mind that i, in my unshowered and weeping state still smelled like him, there was a deep and dreamless sleep.
and of course i'm not fine, of course i've not accepted this yet.
but i'm okay. and i know what i need to do next. and the way it goes down will answer everything.
so wish me luck, people. wish me luck.