rant and rave, rant and rave

sometimes the only way to stave off the fear is to just go flying into the maw of those things that are bothering you most. thus, i have begun to attack my anxieties in a massive ground assault. i am applying for jobs in a slow but steady trickle. at this rate i will find something new by mid-july. but mid-july is better than never. let us merely hope that i can avoid another meltdown between here and there.

i confess that this whole job hunting thing frustrates the hell out of me. i'm trying really hard to be an optimist, not to let the knowledge that i'm probably not going to get another job within the next year bring me down. but it's hard, you know? it's hard knowing that i'm going to be stuck in this place that makes me sufficiently miserable that i was actually honest when my boss asked me if i was happy here (yes, that's right, i'm a moron). my father says i need to get over it, that it's only eight hours a day. but...that's a third of my life. and the thought of being complacent about hating one third of my life? horrifying.

but i digress.

i have someone coming in to look at the apartment tonight, and hopefully a few more this week. at the very least, i can hopefully sort out a roommate. and that would be one less thing to worry about.