if this gives you any indication of what today's been like

my day began with a strange pinwheeling floater in my line of vision, alleviated slightly by the removal of my left contact lens, replaced in intensity and frustration by my sudden inability to see clearly at all (it seems i've taken out the lens in the weaker eye, and thus having the two inputs--one clear, one fuzzy as an angora sweater--come into the optical processing center is not making for a happy chappy.)

so, yeah. headache.

along with the gnawing knowledge that i have my semi-annual review this week. which is making me nervous. and the knowledge that now that i'm working within a timeframe, everything is about to get really complicated here at work. and the fact that i still don't know if i'm about to get shipped off to jersey, like everything is such a big fucking secret and we're not worthy of knowing. and being tired. very, very tired.

here's what i really wanted to say: i am actually simultaneously furious and defeated, an exhausting combination that was not alleviated by my brief sojourn to go hit things really hard for about half an hour. now, now i have bruised knuckles, gnashing teeth, a seething headache and only half of a field of vision. and i'm so tired.

but of course you can't say these things when you're locked in the pit that's at the root of it all. the walls have ears and all that.