dreaming

those dreams you get, when you can't figure out where you stand between the waking world and the shadows of dreaming, when it takes you minutes to determine whether what you just saw behind your eyes is a part of this reality?

i've been having those.

i had a lot of those last night.

the one that sticks out the most involved a trip to england. i'd gone there to see the family i'd lived with in bath; bath had become a seaside village, a sunny fishing town not entirely unlike brighton (minus the piers and plus a replica of the great basilica in moscow--whose name currently escapes me--in the harbor)...i met up with some other friends and we went to a club for low light and drinks; my cel phone unfolded into four panels, and i was trying desperately to assemble it so i could call the boy.

enter the englishman. this is where the dream got weird, where things started happening that prompted me to wake up shaking in that not-so-good way. i don't really want to go into it. suffice it to say, it was not anything that would have happened in reality. but i was addled enough when i awoke that it really took me a few minutes to figure out that i hadn't just done something incredibly stupid. as it is, i'm going to be curling my tendrils out quite a bit today, digging my fingers in to keep reassuring myself of where i actually am. yes virginia, it really was that freaky.