mama said

greatest hits of my mother''s strange non sequiturs:

1. shivery so, i met this boy...i really kind of like...he's really--

mom is he gay?

okay. so, while i do frequently have appalling taste in men (a trend which i am optimistic i have recently reversed), i like to think that my judgment is not so skewed as to think the boy i'm sharing my bed with wishes i had a penis. granted, i have dated someone who found his homosexuality AFTER his time with me, but i think i've managed to steer clear of dating anyone who is aware of the fact that he's gay at the time. i think.

2. shivery so, i'm going out drinking with the boys tonight. been a long week.

mom well, be sure and keep an eye on your drink at all times.

point of order: the boys i refer to when i speak of 'the boys,' are the boys that would take anyone who tampered with my drink and beat them to a bloody, weeping pulp incapable of speech. those are my boys, the ones who promised me that they'd go find the elevator tongue bandit and hurt him irrevocably if i ever said the word. the boys who escort me home when i'm clearly in no fit state to get there myself wihout getting into trouble, even when it's kind of out of the way. i don't hang out with drink-tampering boys.

historically, i date them instead. (not really. but given my track record, it would hardly surprise anyone, now would it?)

moral of the story: clearly, my family has even less faith in my ability to fraternize with the opposite sex on any level than i do. which is amusing, because at least i can now quantifiably say that i'm' not alone in having trouble believing my current good fortune.