one foot in the door, the other trying to pull me into the grave

since i moved into this apartment nearly two years ago, not a one of my visitors has made any bones about the fact that they fear my stairs. and i, being the inhabitant and enjoying a good scoff now and again, have always pooh-poohed this notion. "we got the great white whale couch in here without incident," i say. "we orchestrated the great brooklyn sofa swap." to be sure, my stairs have never alarmed me, except when the lights have burned out and i'm lurching home exceptionally drunk. but, the fact remains that my stairs are, in fact, very narrow, very rickety, and a rather offensive shade of brown that lies somewhere between chocolate and human waste.

tonight, however, i felt the fear.

this is largely due to the fact that i'm rocking some double gimp action here--my left foot is hindered by the massive blister i incurred at some mystery point yesterday (somewhere inbetween the glaucoma test and discovering that i'd lost one of my favorite earrings). my right foot, feeling left out, opted to join in the fun this evening by developing some sort of massive cramp. as such, i spent the evening trying really hard to seem harmless and friendly to wang's new girlfriend whilst traipsing around like someone with a clubfoot. it was grand. really. it's like i've won my sea legs without having set foot on a boat in months. much lurching and much amusement for all, to be sure.

anyway. back to the fear.

stumbling home this evening, fully sober but entirely limping, i got a glimpse of why it is that people fear the stairs. while ascending the second set that take me up to my apartment, i lurched to the right, my foot deciding to cramp heinously (not entirely unexpected, sincei i finished off the evening sprinting for the bus) when i stepped on it. i lost my balance and went smashing into the railing, nearly losing my balance and careening backward down the stairs.

as i'm sure you've gathered, i managed to grab the rail and regain my composure in enough time to right myself and make it home in one piece.

but it was definitely a learning experience. i solemnly swear that from this point on, i will keep my mockery of my friends' fear of the stairs of infamy toned down to a silent chortle. no more of this full blown snickering for me.

all i have to say is thank goodness i didn't have enough money on me tonight to get drunk. things, in that scenario, might have gotten ugly.