ghostly/ghastly

it seems that the houston chronicle has just seen fit to publish the suicide note of j.clifford baxter, the enron guy who killed himself shortly after the waste hit the ventilator.

not only did they publish the text, but a scan. an actual fucking scan of the guy's suicide note, written to his wife, in its full, horrid glory.

does anyone else have a problem with this?

it really concerns me that we seem to be building up a severe culture of ghoulishness in the world. it slaps me in the face every day as i go foraging for my lunch in the financial district--to this day, people flock in droves to get those amazing tickets to the platforms surrounding ground zero. *shudder,* the united states' favorite mass grave.

my parents went to ground zero when they came to town. they stood on the platforms and invited me to join them. i had to remind them that not only was i still sweeping the remains of the wtc out of my apartment, but that i had been there that day, cowering for my life in battery park with the rest of us schlubs who had the misfortune to pay attention to our alarm clocks and show up for work that day. i was there, i remember looking up after the ash cleared and seeing this sudden void in the skyline...well, frankly, that's the last i need to see of the corporeal remains of those towers.

they didn't quite understand why i was so emphatic in my refusal, even after i'd explained myself.

i guess i just don't understand why we hold such fascination with the catastrophes of others. are we preparing ourselves for our own, or are we just trying to get ever closer to mastering the mystery of death, by sifting through the clues left behind, voluntarily or otherwise, by those who made it to the gate first?

oh, and before anyone accuses me of being a holier-than-thou killjoy, keep this in mind: i'm not condemning this behaviour, i just don't understand it. even in myself.

i mean, i read the enron guy's suicide note.