but still tired.

it's funny how sometimes you don't even notice that you're sick until you start to feel better. i realized this this morning, when i woke up feeling brighter-eyed and bushier-tailed than i have in weeks. i didn't feel nearly so sluggish as i'd grown accustomed to, i didn't have a headache, i didn't feel nauseous...it was great. it's possible i'm only consciously contrasting it to the way i felt last night (feverish and achy), but i stick to my guns and say this: i feel better.

that makes me rather glad. and it also makes me feel a little cheated--i spent the entire winter sick as a dog (with the following suspects: pleurisy, kidney hell, bronchitis, strep and several particularly unfriendly strains of cold and flu). i was ecstatic when the weather started warming up and my diseases started going away. and now i realize that such rationalization was a pipe dream. because i really only had a month in which i wasn't sick. i got march, and that was all she wrote. since then, i've been falling prey to all kinds of insidious horrors--more colds, digestive issues, horrible thing i've got now. bleah. roos calls it first-year-in-new-york syndrome, and theorizes that everyone spends the first year/eighteen months in this city sick as a dog. which may be true, that may be what the law of averages dictates...but i don't like it, because it means that i'm forever going to associate this first year of the grand adventure with spending an awful lot of time getting attacked by children at my doctor's office or being bored and ignored in the local emergency room.

the worst thing about this spate of illness i've had, however, is not the irritation of minor illnesses, not the doctor bills or the wasted time. it's the fact that i have already become a cliche! i am the one that gets sick. i've never been the one who gets sick. much like my mother, i'm usually the one left standing confused when the rest of the world is dying of plague and pleurosis.

goddammit. i guess i'm not invincible after all.

well, isn't that just a slap in the face!