ghosts of the tilt-o-whirl

some conversations are just destined to chase themselves around in loops, i think. and this is fine. sometimes you don't actually want to get to the end of the path, because you have the distinct feeling that you don't want to find that particular pot of gold.

i had one of those conversations last night.

it was a very standard "this is what you should do in this situation" vs. "yeah, but this is what i will do in this situation because i'm utterly puss."

it's all a question of doubt and clarification. i cannot classify this mystery i experience, i don't even know if or what i want it to be. but i want it. at least for now. and i have no problem with it being a "for now" situation, even if that's all it ever is. but i want to know if that's what it is. i want to know what fizzles beneath the alien cranium. but i don't know quite how to get that information without levelling the card house. but i want it. i need it. partially because i'm nosy, partially because i need the validation.

ah, bollocks.

i think that the rest of this particular ramble is going to have to wait. y'all have been subjected to quite enough of this particular obsession for the time.