such a wonder

i'm not exactly sure why it is that i am constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. i can just feel it, teetering on the brink of a shelf i'll never see, knocked and bandied about carelessly, perhaps by someone with a football...

even when someone says all the right things, makes all the right moves, i remain utterly convinced that it's a ruse of some sort, a vast lie undertaken to get something from me. something other than sex, something stranger and deeper and darker.

i, of course, have absolutely no evidence to support this belief, at least not right now.

i suppose that i am simply afraid to let myself relax into something that seems so easy, when it's been so difficult for so long. i'm afraid that if i get to comfortable, the universe will point its long finger of doom at me and dole out punishment in ways unimaginable. and though spring has brought a major renewal of my energies, i don't have the energy for that.

but he's making it so damn easy...

god. i'm such a champion at falling for assholes, why should this one be different? i suppose that's what i'm really bothered by. damn my track record!(though i genuinely believe he may be a break from that norm.)

you're such a wonder that i think i'll stay in bed