sentimental bullshit

i will inspire hope in others

i will inspire hope in others

i will inspire hope in others

i will inspire hope in others

i think that's a pretty good aspiration, don't you?

i have a confession to make.

i am an absolute sucker for crass sentimentalism. though i have enough of a cynical veneer to get over it quickly, there's always the small moment that makes it in through the armor, where for a fleeting second, i am genuinely affected. a tear brought to my eye and all that.

examples:

1. in the movie my neighbor totoro, the two main characters are girls living with their father because their mother is in the hospital. one weekend, she's supposed to come home for the weekend, but this plan is ultimately derailed because she picks up a cold or the flu or something...after this comes to light, the younger sister disappears, and the elder embarks on a big search for her, remaining strong strong strong until....industrial freakout. when she hits her breaking point, she lets loose with this amazing monologue dealing with her fear that mother may never come home unless it's in a casket...it's the fear of everyone who's ever seen someone they love in a scary situation. every time i see it, i just bawl like a baby.

2. (this is the embarrassing one) sometimes, just sometimes, this insane wash of patriotism just kind of...gets to me. for about a second. but, for example when i see pictures of soldiers being reunited with their families under the shining stars and stripes, or think about the fact that there are people whose job it is to DIE FOR ME, their fellow american, if necessary. i guess it's not so much a nationalism thing as it is a community thing. this country is just kind of a rallying point around which we can build this community, with protectors and dreamers and blah blah blah...yeah. i get a little misty. embarrassing. mortifying, even. ridiculous, considering i wouldn't classify myself as particularly patriotic. it's especially bad in this city. i look around at people going about their daily business, walking briskly by what remains of ground zero and i think about how hellish it was a few months ago here...and just that we're still standing. and functioning. it's kind of...

agh.

okay. i'm done now. i'm probably going to delete this entry within a few minutes because it makes me feel like such a div.