up in smoke

listening to:daft punk-homework

feeling: super vivacious. on the inside. i'm hoarding my vivacity.

looking forward to:field trip to pearl paint's framing shop this afternoon. drinks with the new roommate tonight.

wondering: how bad would it be for me to break the rules of conduct and initiate contact?

and with that...

new york government can officially bite me sideways. three really irritating changes in protocol yesterday:

1. basic postage is now 37 cents. (okay, that's national, still annoying)

2. recycling is no more.

3. cigarettes have gone up to seven dollars a pack. time to fire up the computer and go mail-order, i say.

my big question is this: why is it that the smokers are so readily punished? isn't it already enough that we have this crippling addiction? perhaps that there are those who would make that argument that now would be a perfect time to quit, then. to those people i say this: have you ever tried to beat an addiction when the decision to do so is imposed upon you? how long do you think that sort of behavioral conditioning actually sticks? addictions like these are of the sort that you can only break when you do so of your own volition. when you really, really want it. i should know. i tried to quit smoking last summer, because my family wanted me to. i didn't particularly want to. i like smoking. i like it a lot. it makes me terribly happy. so, as i'm sure you've guessed, it was a lark that didn't last particularly long. september rolled around, my world fell apart, and i went a-callin' on my old friend, mister nicotine. i needed a fix if i was going to make it through.

there's solace in that. disease, too, yes. cancer. burn holes and stink in the clothing. but i like to think i'm old and coherent enough to make my own choices on that matter. i don't need fucking bloomburg and his governmental cronies telling me what's good for me. i left home to avoid that very phenomenon.

and speaking of home...my mother is trying to give me the great guilt trip so i will come home for thanksgiving, couching it under the guise of it being a wedding celebration for my sister. damn her. now it's going to be a very difficult decision. because i really don't want to go back to cali for thanksgiving. i don't want to go anywhere for thanksgiving. i wish to stay right here with my tribe and have the refugee celebration that i've had for the last five years. so, big decision time. i probably shouldn't make it now, though, considering i'm still in kitten-spitting mode with regards to them all.

bleh.

but speaking of major holidays...tomorrow is effectively friday, which means i've got to figure out what i'm doing for the fourth. you know, since my family isn't going to be visiting anymore. suggestions, mein poppets?