what is your problem?

today's subject matter is an ode to a question i seem to be getting more and more. from myself. yes, i have many conversations with myself, which frequently end with me giving myself a mental shake and a "what the fuck, woman?"

but, i think i may have figured out what my problem is. stop me if you've heard this one:

i'm an average girl who's convinced--convinced, absolutely certain--that she's destined for something great.

that's my problem. i have this very definite idea of my destiny (abject fabulosity), but absolutely no feasible way to achieve it. i want my life to be magical, to be the stuff of legend, to be fiery and festive and full of light and laughter and love. especially love.

i have a life that is full of a marginal job, low self-esteem, a total inability to sustain anything even vaguely resembling a love life and absolutely no idea how i'm going to ever possibly achieve anything (much less everything) i want to do. i have marginal ambition, few marketable skills, average intelligence, average looks, a terrible problem with phones, friends that i both adore and envy and a tendency to both fall over frequently and spend money like water. not exactly the stuff that dreams are made of, eh?

so that's my problem. i want the world, but i have no idea how to make it want me.