a sally sue epiphany.

i'm having an epiphany.

a sally sue epiphany.

i figured out why it is that she seems to be such a pathological overachiever in all parts of her life, and why she talks about it all so extensively: she has nothing else. all she's got is her job, her boyfriend, her celebrity sightings, her discourse on vaginal discharge and all the rest.

young mister longacre and i have a nonchalance about our work born of having something else to do. he writes. i sing. these are the things we really focus on. we work to pay the bills, and rarely think about it when outside and free. sally sue does not do the same. sally sue apparently (if we are to believe her) stays awake nights thinking about things like our brochure. sally sue is blowing off the picnic. the picnic. the one festive thing that we as an office have done all season, the only time we're going to get to see the boss and her kids, go play together because the world is a beautiful place and BECAUSE WE CAN. this is america, people. land of slack. but, sally sue is not joining us because she has "too much to do."

fuck's sake. because shse needs to wear the martyr crown, more like it.our boss is going. our boss has six times as much to do as the rest of us.

the funny thing is, though, i think i may be getting over the point where this behavior bothers me. i no longer feel inferior in the face of her outrageous zeal, her perfect hair, her boyfriend with the insatiable libido and mastery of tantra (yes, she's told us all about this).

in a little secret part of my heart, i'm starting to feel a little sorry for her. i can't imagine what it's like not to have more than two friends in the city, what it's like not to have a special thing (like music, or writing, or painting your apartment, or wiring up your apartment like a rocketship) that gives you focus, that gives you something to live for other than your day job. i can't imagine allowing myself to be consumed by my job in that way, to let it define that much of me.

but then, there's a lot of things i don't understand about sally sue.

and so, i'll probably never be as successful as she's likely to be. but you know, that's fine. because i'll remember what the roses smelled like, what the gathering felt like, what the ice cream tasted like...i'll have tangible proof that i was more than just a corporate drone, i'll have evidence that i was once a part of a tribe...and be that much the richer for it.

how's that for a strange turn of attitude? here's hoping i can keep it up, because i'm really, really tired of feeling inferior to her.

*whew*

that had been waiting to get out all week.