strung....out....

i've been stuck in this mire of late, where i feel like i'm constantly forgetting something that is of the utmost, terrifying importance. real life or death stuff.

and, naturally, i can never figure out for the life of me just what the hell it is. i scan the inbox, but never locate the festering message that will surely spell my doom...i sift through the bills and the scraps of paper that define my parameters at home, but never find the time bomb that's making me quiver...

all i know is that every now and again, rather frequently of late, i'll find myself sitting at the smoking window, feeling my nerves wind up for the pitch for reasons i can't describe. and as such, i end the evening punchy and subject my friends to seething rants via email (sorry 'bout that...), i go to sleep early and angry and wake up uncomfortable. i find seemingly innocuous situations hateful and suddenly my emotional skin turns to rice paper.

and then i get to work.

and it's a downhill slide from there.

now, for example. i think i've finished everything i have to do today...but i can't just accept that i'm done for the time being, not with just over two hours to go. very unnerving.

but...honestly, everything else that i can even vaguely remember...is dependent on stuff that i'm still waiting for from other people.

hm. fancy that.

in other news:

-i am almost off secretarial duty. we just had our phones tweaked around, and so now we in the marketing office have the right to ignore the phone, unless it's making our super-secret ninja ring. it's kind of awesome.

-the woman whose office is adjacent to my cubicle sounds like an exoctic bird when she's exasperated. shrill, squawking and rapid-fire. that's not meant to be uncharitable. just an observation.

-i'm in the process of redesigning our company business cards. they're going to be fabulous. biscuit, i owe it all to you.

-it smells like cheese in here. in a good way.