the interloper

spotted at brunch this weekend: jesus' pet magpie this mysterious and elusive creature only comes out on days when the weather is perfect and there's a walk-a-thon in the air. easily distinguished by its heavy gait (which occasionally bears resemblance to a limp), large quantity of associated baggage and tendency to sigh heavily and pontificate about god's master plan to anyone who has the poor judgment to be either polite or friendly.

in this most recent sighting, the magpie twittered awkwardly to the outdoor table at which this observer was sitting, reclining heavily into a chair at the table i'd spent 45 minutes waiting for, and ordering a cup of tea without so much as a hello. now, this past sunday was the day of the "making strides against breast cancer" walk-a-thon up in the park, and as such there were many weary travelers limping their way down the hill throughout prime brunching hours. i assumed she was of this flock, and just wanted somewhere to rest for a few minutes, and would be on her way once my companions arrived.

once again, it was proven that i am generally mistaken about such things.

not only did she not leave the table when my friends appeared, but after roos expressly asked her to go (very politely, of course) because we had waited a long time for the table and had much private business to discuss, she went sweeping in to the establishment (leaving her tea for us) whereupon she pounced upon the maitre'd and proclaimed that no, she was not with our party, but that i was terribly rude, asking her to leave, and that she wanted to sit somewhere else, away from us rude heathens (well, i'm paraphrasing there, but she did call us rude for defending our territory). to which the maitre'd expressed his condolences, promised to relay her dissatisfaction to us, and immediately came back to our table with this message: "i'm so sorry, i thought she was with you guys. really sorry about that."

the moral of the story is this: when faced with interlopers at your bruncherie, never stop for idle and/or friendly chitchat. be openly hostile, or you may find yourseld pushing the limits of your threshold for irritation.

i mean, i'm all for sharing table space when the situation calls for it, but really. sunday brunch is just not generally the place i like to prove that theory.