who forgot to fluff the phoenix?!

I am wearing garters today. we have big scary mucky muck in the office today, and the garter/stocking combination is the closest thing Iíve got to battle armor thatís in the least appropriate for a visit from the corporate higher ups. now, before you all get up in arms about me being depraved and all that, let me explain: itís just a nice little reminder that I have power. perhaps not over him, but power in general. in the world somewhere. I have the power that nature imbues all females with, I have the power of my intelligence, I have the power of my intuition and compassion. and I tend to forget this all when this man is in town. generally, all I want to do is cower when heís around.

and anyone whoís ever met me, EVER, knows I donít cower easily.

I am, however, still puzzling over why Iíve chosen to bestow the honor of ìmy personal nightmareî upon this man. thereís no particular reason. just the knowledge that, if I piss him off, I am absolutely fucked professionally. and my turn to go into the conference room and justify my existence is coming up. fear. oh, the fear.

I just need to get into character. Iíll be fine. really. hopefully. unfortunately, Iím going in after sally sue, and itís never a good idea for me to follow a pathological overachiever. I just canít compete. ah well.

in other newsÖ

you didnít think Iíd let you off without a rundown of Saturdayís show, did you? well, suffice it to say that, while it was nowhere near my shining glory as a performer, it was kind of okay. the main problem was that the pickup in my guitar decided to punk out that night, so I had to rock a double-mic scenario. which meant there was a big olí microphone where my strumming hand usually goes (hm! that sounded a bit more sexual than Iíd anticipated!)ÖI kept whacking it while I was playing. now, Iím not really used to that sort of thing. and so, the shock of it all caused me to break the ultimate cardinal rule of performing: I freaked out. just a little bit. I think I kept it under wraps fairly well, kept my cool and all, but it took three or four songs before I got comfortable up there. and that made it hard. because when Iím uncomfortable, I start overthinking and then I botch things up. fortunately, I did manage to get back in the saddle by about fifteen minutes into the set, and it was back into ìzone out and let your fingers do the walkingî mode. and that was much better.

but, all told, it was a good time. the audience was very receptive and a lot of funÖthough Iím actually a bit pissed off with two of my friends, who were sitting at a table IN THE FRONT and cackling really loudly throughout. now, Iím no stranger to the bar music scene. I know people are going to talk. I know people are going to cackle. but if youíre going to be blatantly disrespectful of the music, GET YOUR ASS TO THE BACK OF THE BAR SO YOU DONíT PISS THE SONGBIRD OFF! go ahead, have a natter. I donít care. thatís par for the course. but show a little fucking respect, eh?

and in further other newsÖ guess whatís finished? thatís right! the remix has landed! I get to hear it this evening. Iím absolutely agog with excitement. seriously.

in other further other news here comes that old enmity again. Iím sitting here, listening to the meeting with the open door, in which sally sue is basically saying that my work, the web stuff that we do, is our fluff offering. people donít actually look to what I do for real information. they look to her stuff for that. that, essentially, what I do is inconsequential.

and we were doing so well. but, I think I just heard the sound of a can of whoop-ass being opened.