respectable pate, gotta motor.

i think my downstairs neighbor may be dead. i'm not sure about this, but there is a large and alarming pile of detritus outside my apartment, consisting of large numbers of furniture and general apartment crap. i don't really know where else it would come from. and it has been awfully quiet down there since the episode with the ambulance.

hm.

i wonder who i'd ask to find out.

anyway. in other news, i got some of those answer things i'd been so seeking. and while not entirely disappointing (particularly since i still got a goodnight kiss), not entirely what i was hoping for, either. well, we'll see. i suppose that we should just enjoy whatever this is--and each other--while we've got it. at least it was established that we do, in fact, enjoy hanging out together, and getting our smooch on with each other. and the rest of the story wasn't entirely surprising. i guess it's okay for now. at least that's the concrete decision. and there's something reassuring about knowing that, while someone doesn't really want to date you, it's more about them being a train wreck than lack of attraction to you. or at least being told that with a straight face.

yeah. there's that old cynicism again.

time to channel my inner willow--i'm a fucking amazon. time to channel my inner buffy--maybe i'll neve be loved because i'll never find one truly worth it.

though i long for the day when there's someone out there to give me more.

in other other news...my brain is getting away with me. i've been pondering things that really shouldn't be pondered. things that genuinely fall outside my moral codes. i don't like it, i don't trust it, and i don't understand it.

where do you want to go today?