full contact shopping

i've come to the conclusion that navigating midtown manhattan during the holiday season is a full contact sport and should really be avoided at all costs. but, if crunch fitness marketed it properly, it could also be the next big fitness craze: boot camp for the urban warrior. you get the pure cardio of walking, leg toning from the constant lateral slide you have to do in order to avoid the stupid and oblivious, waist toning for the constant twisting you do in the same vein, arm strengthening from carrying the packages obtained from the inevitable shopping action (we are talking fifth and madison avenues, after all)...truly, all the benefits of the gym in one convenient package. just stick a hyperactive tour guide in yoga pants and a sports bra up front, and voila! the next big thing. the advanced class could involve using the subway--butt toning from going up and down the stairs, as well as balance improvement from standing on the subway.

extra points if you wear heels. calf toning, you know.

double extra points if you manage to knock one of the snotty society matrons in furs into the gutter.

triple extra points if you manage to knock over a pack of oblivious tourists stopped in the middle of and taking up an entire sidewalk.

and quadruple extra points if you can do it without breaking a nail.

in other news<...

i think i'm in love with norah jones.