reprimand. kind of.

sometimes, i feel it would not be going too far to say that i absolutely adore my boss. i still hate my job, but i love my boss.

this message brought to you by: the fact that i got called out on being a depressed, moody freak today. i knew that was going to be the topic of discussion the instant she asked if she could talk to me. i, of course, being pessimistic, assumed it was going to be a big 'shape up or ship out' proposition. terror, indeed. so, most pleased and quite surprised when it was more along the lines of 'are you okay, is there anything i can do, what's going on?'

it was strangely nice. though it's hard to articulate properly about what it is that's driving me mad...i was able to say that i've been finding it difficult to share a cubicle with newgirl. and that my growing hatred of the internet means i prefer the incidental projects she hands me to my actual job. and that for a few months my concentration has been absolutely shot. and that i am really quite stressed. and really looking forward to my vacation. really. looking forward.

when queried as to why i'd not come forward, i said it was because i hadn't come up with anything constructive to add to the pile yet, and i didn't want to just show up at her office and bitch about how i hated certain things unless i had a suggestion about how to make it better.

the end result of all this is that i got to vent, i got an invitation to come back and bitch to my boss when something is really bothering me even if i don't have a constructive thing to add. and, i got to find out that apparently, i have not been quite the heinous bitch i thought i'd been--i'd just been pulling my usual trick for self-defense: i'd just been really, really quiet. and that was the warning flag. because when i am in high spirits (or even mid-spirits), i am many things. quiet is never, ever one of them. and yet, i'd never noticed this pattern of behavior. i have, apparently, been pulling the turtle-rescinding-into-shell business my entire life. and i've never noticed it.

anyway. this all neither here nor there. just thought i'd share.

and, point out that i do feel much better for having been able to confess to someone in a position of authority that there are certain things making me miserable without being reprimanded in any way. and i still have no idea how it is that i like my manager and still hate my job.