on the streets of london

i think i've started having panic attacks in my sleep (because god knows i could never be afflicted by something so horrendously pedestrian as a nightmare--heavens forfend!). i get only the dimmest views of what exactly it is making me crazy when i wake up, drenched in sweat, terrified, confused and disoriented, heart pounding and breath shallow, unable to get back to sleep...i think it's the same set of circumstances, the same dream...though i'm not sure. i wonder what, why---or, more specifically, why now. i don't really think i should be at a high panic point. but then, i suppose that's why it's all manifesting itself in dreams--my conscious mind runs a pretty tight ship when it wants to, but there's only so long it can act as warden before it gets bored. and my subconscious is the brat in the back of the classroom with a whoopee cushion and a slingshot. it causes trouble, sublimating at will and hiding little bits of information that come out at random and inconvenient times. like these dreams/nightmares/panic attacks. like other things that get revealed to me as time goes on. scary stuff.

they say pisces are highly intuitive. does this mean i'm forseeing and foretelling my own imminent doom? i don't like to think that. i mean, my birthday is in two weeks! who wants ruination for their birthday? i'd much rather have a nice pair of earrings or a mix tape.

really. panic is not worth the paper it's printed on.