exit, stage left.

my parents, though they will never admit it, have never quite gotten over the fact that i've never lost the weight i put on after i got over my eating disorder. normally, they hide their disdain well, but sometimes it comes out, clumsily, and usually after a few drinks. example: "you know, you really should go to the gym. i mean, not that...i mean, you look...fine...but you should start..maintaining now."

right then.

i suppose it makes sense--in the circles they travel, many of the women are what are affectionately called tai tais--society wives whose job it is to look good, as they have no official (i.e. paying) employment. as such, if these women are not svelte and toned and perfectly painted or coiffured, it reflects poorly on them. the same, i suppose, extends to their children. my stepmother attempts to lead by example, by not ordering dinner after nibbling on an appetizer in the bar downstairs, or by ordering the linguini with clam sauce and only consuming the delicate mollusks themselves.

there was a time that i admired that tendency of hers; this can probably be explained by the fact that during that time, i was surviving on half a tuna sandwich and thirty cigarettes a day. i was twig thin and they loved it. they were so proud of their tiny, smart daughter and did you notice how thin she is? doesn't she look great? never mind the fact that i was also completely off my rocker with hunger-induced insanity.

and let me tell you, it seems strange to see in their eyes a small measure of disappointment that i've put that weight back on. but then, when you consider that in their circles, bulimia is far more acceptable than a few extra pounds, it makes sense.

other than that, and our family forays into binge drinking, it was a fun visit.