a letter.

dear mister intern,

i recognize that you're new in this office, and perhaps you have yet to figure out that your cocky white-boy alpha stance isn't actually as popular as you think it is--you are fortunate in that you work in an office full of remarkably lovely and tolerant people (myself, perhaps, excluded) who put up with your shit in a friendly manner. i also recognize that you're probably new to this whole business of 'human interaction.' but i'm a people person. i believe that people can grow. so let me give you a few tips to ensure that somewhere along the line, someone doesn't completely rip your face off in outrage at being treated like your inferior.

first: do not send packages containing contest submissions to the judges ahead of schedule, particularly when the deadline has yet to lapse. don't do it. there are always last minute submissions. and they will be mighty angry if they are disqualified because you decided to call time.

second: when these last minute submissions come in, particularly if they come from people one of your colleagues knows, particularly if they're her FRIENDS and you know it, don't give in to the urge to mock the latecomers with your reedy little voice. because this is an open plan office. and i will hear you, you pathetic little fucknut. and i. will not. be happy.

i know you think you're hot shit. and i am here to tell you that you are not nearly as hot as you think. you are a diligent worker, and a great help to the colleague who is mentoring you. i respect you for that. and you're new here, so maybe you haven't figured out how to behave. hell, perhaps you're new to the notion of the workplace entirely. i have no idea. BUT. you have no concept of the basic social graces required to maintain an acceptable working relationship.

and you WILL send out a package with the final entries on monday. come hell or high water. because around here, sunshine, you don't make the rules. you, like the rest of us, like all of the contestants, get to play by them.

kisses!
shivery