relief.

the whole twisted saga started last thursday, beginning (as these things so often do) with a phone call.

'shivery? this is doctor h. we got the results in from your test, and it detected some...abnormalities. we need you to come in for a different test, so we can figure out what's going on here.'

she had more to say, words that, had i actually been able to hear them properly, might have soothed me more; unfortunately, my brain had clocked out just after the word 'abnormalities,' spinning around in my head as my heart started racing and my eyes to tear. when i got off the phone, i had an appointment for monday, a promise to pick up more information the next day and a no hope in hell of keeping my shit together for another minute. so i called dom and choked out words that weren't really words, more guttural sobbing noises, begging him to come to my office because i needed him for reasons i didn't want to discuss in this open plan office. being the rock star that he is, he was here in a matter of minutes, ready to let me cry all over him until i calmed down enough to finish the day. and calm down i did, after about a half hour of utter hysteria, but the news had cast its shadow, and we were far from okay with the world for the next few days.

so we were quiet this weekend, frightened and chastened by the knowledge that there was a genuine possibility that something was quite wrong. by the time we found ourselves in the waiting room yesterday, it was as though we were made of clay: quiet. distracted. heavy. i gripped his hand as we waited, both of us trying very hard to keep it together for the benefit of the other person.

in the end, we needn't have worried--the second test proclaimed me thoroughly okay (well, 99%--the doc still sent something off for processing, just to be sure), and i was sent home with a clean bill of health. and for the first time in four days, the world stopped feeling like it was made of iron, and we relaxed. and while the relief was almost worth the agony we weathered in the preceding days (emphasis on 'almost'), i don't ever, ever want to do that again.