août 31, 2004
How I Foiled A Robbery, or You Asked For It
i suspect it's a sign that i grew up in the suburbs that my initial reaction to hearing a group of people screaming 'stop him' about a man running in my direction is to get out of the way so that i don't disturb their game; it took some serious city-life systems override willpower to accept the fact that i was, in fact, being called upon to actually stop the boy who was running towards me at full speed last night.
he was being pursued by no less than eight men and two women, because he'd kindly divested one of them of her cel phone. despite the phalanx trailing behind him, i was the only person moving towards him from the front, which meant i was the only one available to stop this kid--he was fast, and his pursuers were definitely not gaining ground. so i took a deep breath and threw myself into his path. or, tried to, anyway--as soon as i'd started making the slightest motion towards the street, he saw me moving in to head him off (truly terrifying in my mid-calf boots and diamond-print skirt), promptly threw the cel phone at me and busted on out of there; i guess the cel phone had some serious wind resistance or something, because when i picked it up and handed it back to its owner, it didn't strike me as all that heavy, at least not so heavy that it would have made a difference as to his overall speed.
which then brings me to the natural conclusion: clearly, he knew i was going to fuck him up if he stuck with this funny business. because i am JUST. THAT. FEARSOME. so he gave back the bounty in hopes i'd leave him alone. clearly.
and that's the story of how i foiled a robbery.
Posted by shivery at août 31, 2004 02:02 PMI am suitably frightened of you. :)
Don't know if I would have done the same - not because of the fact that I've lived in suburbia all my life, but because my reactions are so danged slow. By the time my brain told my body to stop the boy, he would have been in the next state...
Posted by: Ontario Emperor at août 31, 2004 02:14 PMbadass. hope the cell phone owner was appropriately appreciative.
Posted by: jen at août 31, 2004 02:40 PMThis entire post was very arousing.
Posted by: Greg at août 31, 2004 04:43 PMDear Shiv,
After the day I have had apartment-hunting, I must thank you for the visual of you, tigerriffic as usual, striding into the path of a petty thief in flight, perhaps an eyebrow unconsciously raised at him, him flinging phone at you, and you graciously handing it back to its owner. It made me smile. And that was viciously needful. Now, I'm going back to learning music, revising resume, apartment-searching, journal-writing and finishing my mawrfckin' 40 of Ballantine.
Perhaps he thought you were such a badass that he'd give you the phone to continue the robbery, and that he'd no doubt catch up with you later at a dark seedy midtown basement bar sometime later?
Posted by: Stuart at septembre 1, 2004 08:28 AMseedy basement bars are the best.
Posted by: matt at septembre 1, 2004 10:50 AMyeah, but midtown?
Posted by: shivery at septembre 1, 2004 11:06 AMYou know I know nothing about New York.
I was merely trying to say that maybe he thought that you were a fellow felon because you were all intimidatin'.
Posted by: Stuart at septembre 1, 2004 12:05 PMin stuart's defense, his NYC book probably says midtown is cool. And there are some secret places that are. OMG I just had an idea for a Fall Drinking Project. Different neighborhoods each week, each person must research and choose carefully. Road trip!
Posted by: jen at septembre 1, 2004 12:06 PM...when you were actually a fearsome, fear inducing crimefighter.
All the best superheroes have a dark side.
Posted by: Stuart at septembre 1, 2004 12:08 PMI'm with Jen. NEW TRIBE PROJECT. wait, who am I kidding. The cruise directors will end up doing all the damn work.
Posted by: kate at septembre 1, 2004 09:49 PMFar from hindering thief-foiling prowess, I hear mid-calf boots and print skirts are totally in for crime-fighting superheroines this season.
Posted by: Dani at septembre 2, 2004 01:44 AM