insomniac

i've been having trouble sleeping.

i think i can safely say that this is a by-product of the heaving quantities of stress i've been experiencing recently. work, in particular, has been a bit of a spectacle, leaving me perched, breathing shallowly, on the edge of my chair for hours at a time, waiting for the next catastrophe about which i can do nothing to strike. this has been the flavor of my week; far from an isolated incident, it is the hallmark of the last four days. my adrenal glands are so worked up that they're causing bulges in my feet.

in the words of my boss, 'this is no good.'

also not so good is my lingering trauma over the lineup of the band. when we started rehearsing, an executive decision was made for the good of the unit. someone was not happy about it. someone, in fact, was extremely unhappy about it. two people, actually, as i've spent the weeks since absolutely wracked with inconsolable guilt and the knowledge that in taking care of my band, i destroyed a friendship. a tenuous friendship, it now seems, judging from his total lack of hesitation to play hard on my guilty nature and make me feel as bad as possible (overkill, really, considering how bad i already feel), but a friendship nonetheless.

plus, i'm a little afraid of him. so that doesn't help.

add to that a few health concerns and the usual stable of money woes, and it makes for one tired, strung out little shivlet.

who has been spending a lot of her nights wide awake.