change.

silence has reigned in this space. here's why.

on the last day of march, i had my first taste of celebrity. the comic book came out, and i was asked by the artist to meet him at a signing; i asked if he would hand out postcards for my band at the signing, to which he agreed readily, and i was thrilled. over the moon. i lovingly and carefully printed them out and sped to the venue, ready to drop them off and then mill about the stacks looking at other comics that i was interested in. this plan was thwarted when i arrived: phil gave me a smile and handed me a pen, telling the assembled fans that the star of the book had arrived and would be signing. to say it was surreal doesn't even begin to cover it; nor to say it was anything less than awesome. suffice it to say, it may actually go on record as one of the most amazing nights of my life.

on the fourth day of april, i came into the office to find that i no longer had a job.

since then, my life has been a whirlwind of what feels like futility. there have been resumes. staffing agents who make me feel like it's a personality flaw that i have a rather definite schedule over the next nine weeks. staffing agents who tell me that i've been woefully underpaid for my skill level, and that they will see to it that that trend grinds to a halt. frantic work done on a personal portfolio site. filing for unemployment. stupid assessment tests. interesting and intimidating assessment tests. an interview. fear. concern that i'll never work again. money worries.

at least the nightmares have stopped. that, at least, is a good thing.

a good deal of the last few weeks has just been spent patching up my self confidence, which has taken a bit of a beating.

i confess i'm luckier than most in this situation, in that i have someone to take care of me and pick up the slack during this time. this is, apparently, what partners DO, support each other when the chips are down. this was somewhat of a revelation. also, i'm eligible for unemployment this time, which eases things a little. only a little, but sometimes a little is enough.

so that's where i've been. it's not really been particularly interesting on the public consumption front. i've been feeling low, and frightened, and occasionally hopeful. i'm worried that i'm not going to find another job; i'm worried that i'm going to find another job whose primary function is to kill my soul. i want to think that this is a blessing in disguise, that perhaps this is the opportunity i need to change the direction of my career slightly, and go into graphic design like i've wanted to for the last few years. at least now i have time to build up my portfolio, assuming i can scare up some projects. it's certainly a blessing in that i don't have to deal with THOSE PEOPLE anymore.

basically, while things aren't really spectacular right now, they're not too bad; i like to think that the only way from here is up. at least, that's what i tell myself.

i'd quote oscar wilde, something about the gutter and the stars, but i think that's a little too precious, even for me.