meta

i think i've officially crossed the line into po-mo monstrosity: today, i had to impersonate myself. i was in the midst of one of my typically irritating dealings with people who apparently really didn't want to take my money (in that they refused to deal with me unless i magically transmogrified into my stepmother), putting on the show of a lifetime and pulling out the stops, convincing the masses left right and center, showing no mercy! i managed to perform well enough to convince The Man to let me make my various utility payments. I said that i would *ahem* have to use my daughter's card to pay, as she was the only one of us with a UK debit card; upon hearing this, they said they would have to get my permission to use the card, and could i come to the phone. sure, no problem.

oh, as myself, you mean?

no problem unless you consider that my adoption of the necessary persona to get this far had not required me to alter my speaking voice in any manner other than the addition of a slight twang in the cadence; i had merely been acting like me, imbued with more authority. in order to be "me" enough to satisfy them, i had to be someone they hadn't dealt with yet. i had to be...well...not me. so, for the first time in this whole endeavor, i adopted a fake voice. put some real theatrics into the endeavor.

and frankly, there's something about pinching my nose in order to get a nasal twang on my voice while speaking to the customer service department at BT (yes, again) that makes the whole experience a little more entertaining. in a strange, 'am i about to get busted for adopting her identity?*' kind of way.

now, if my life were truly a david lynch film and i were actually an impostor of myself, this would be the point where i'd either encounter a random midget or be attacked about the toes by stag beetles. as it was, i was dive bombed by a couple of overenthusiastic midges, and that was really quite enough to drive the surrealism of the scene home.

*no, seriously. i had her permission to act as her. promise. swear. it wasn't theft, it was borrowing.