happy fucking new year.

there is something i find deeply offensive about the weeks surrounding january 1, and that something is called the assumption that everyone's new year's resolution is centered around losing weight. not getting fitter/healthier, losing weight. i know that the world perception is that all americans are fat, lazy gits, and perhaps that's true; nonetheless, it irritates me beyond all reasonable belief that it's impossible to turn on your television in the month of january without being bombarded with programming whose sole mission is to let you know--yes, you, the one on the couch--that you are TOO FAT.

this bothers me.

it bothers me because i understand how sensitive a subject it is, how difficult it is to maintain a healthy image of self when you are not blessed with a "perfect" body. it's hard, and the road is littered with eating disorders, self hatred, self denial and misery. and WHY? why do we do this to ourselves? why is it so hard to accept that being non-twig-like doesn't automatically equate to being repulsive?

i would love to see what would happen to the world if for once, just one year, advertisements hawking diet plans and exercise machines were outlawed; if we could just have one year without being told that there is something inherently inferior about us because we aren't fitter, happier, more productive. without the insinuation that we are broken, without the insinuation that we are not beautiful. what could we achieve if we weren't constantly bombarded with that kind of message? could we be happier? could we be kinder? could we learn to love each other, love ourselves more?

would we all hate ourselves so much if we weren't told to?

i hate this time of year because i have worked long and hard to love myself as i am. i have survived two eating disorders and the abuse of weight-loss drugs. i have survived self-loathing so strong that i nearly offed myself, that for years i couldn't possibly believe that anyone would ever appreciate my company, much less love me. it took years for me to work through all that, years to come to a point where i could like, and ultimately love, myself again. not by losing weight, or getting better hair, or getting smarter or more beautiful; just learning to appreciate myself, and accept that my inability to squeeze into a size six does not mean i'm not beautiful. to love myself because i am kind, because i have a great rack and curvy hips, because i have managed to surround myself with wonderful people. it was hard, probably the hardest thing i've ever done, but i made it, and my life has been so much better for it. and it makes me angry that there are people out there who hate themselves still, that this time of year is designed to perpetuate the self-loathing. because nobody should hate who they are, especially over something so stupid as their weight.

and that's why i hate this time of year. because the industry that is dedicated to making people loathe themselves makes itself offensively present; it uses the clean slate of a new year to give people yet another excuse for self hatred. and there's already enough hate in this world without hating yourself.

so this is my new year's resolution: i resolve to love myself, to appreciate my beauty and intelligence without reservation; to never let someone else make me feel bad about myself; to fall in love with the world and let it love me back. i hope you will join me in this resolution.

because you are beautiful, and don't you forget it.