dumb days.

you know those days? those days that are just dumb? those days where you wake up and just know that nothing good can come of being awake?

i'm having one of those today.

i'd like to say it's been a while since i've had a dumb day, but that would be a blatant and egregious lie; these days have been touching down with alarming regularity in this little hamster cage that is my life. these days, where all you can do is try not to bang your head against a wall while the same old discussion/project/fight/problem rears its ugly head, making like the dandelion and refusing to die. and i hate to say it, but i sometimes feel it's sucking the fight out of me. while on a certain level i know that will never be true (one of the side effects, for better or worse, of being independent to the point of stupidity is that you find it extremely difficult to say die for long), i find myself frequently embroiled by circumstances where i feel there's just no point in kicking against the pricks, so to speak. and that, THAT is where it gets dangerous. it's the moments when i hold my tongue that the trouble begins.

it's not healthy.

it IS frustrating. life should be more than an exercise in arguing; or redoing the same thing over and over and over again; or waiting in limbo.

i'm tired, and sometimes i just want to give up. go be a file clerk in nebraska or some such shit. but that would be a criminal waste of an extremely expensive education. unlike, you know. what i'm doing now.