i dreamed a dream

last night, i dreamt that i was staying in a shitty hotel in tokyo when the infamous they dropped not one, not two, but three atom bombs on the city. somehow, before my skin melted off from this onslaught, i was dropped into a bomb shelter that, while stark, was amply stocked with booze. so, i managed not to panic for a few minutes, until the bomb shelter detached itself from the side of the mountain and started hurtling down towards oblivion in the sort of fall that is so long that after a few minutes you stop panicking. and then you crash into something. and then it starts again.

if that's not a metaphor for how i'm feeling right now, i don't know what is.

lately, my life has been...complicated. which is not to say it's been bad, or nightmarish, or anything. just complicated. this has been a year all about suddenly being forced to deal with things i have never dealt with before. visa applications. being unemployed. being employed under my own steam. making ends meet as a freelancer. figuring out what the fuck i'm going to do, generally speaking, as well as how the fuck to do it. it has taught me a lot, this period, about my threshold for fretting and panicking (one issue at a time, it would seem), just how much legalspeak gobbeldygook i can handle (just enough to get us through three rounds of paperwork), and when it's okay to ask for help (round four of the aforementioned paperwork).

it's been interesting. i'd say it's been fun, but fun is a relative term when the fact that you didn't quite manage to bitchslap all the aforementioned issues into oblivion with kong-like agility means that your husband is about to go away to another country for an undisclosed period of time.

and that's what's happening here. work. visa. a few ill-timed bouts with the flu. fatalism, hope and love.

toys!

okay. so i don't have a trip to the bahamas. but i DO have a brand new 14" iBook and a visa application that is moving quite merrily along.

throw in a strand of green pearls and a few pantone fans, and i'm just about perfect.

thus spake the girl who hateth la plage.