i don't know how your dictionary breaks it down,

but my personal dictionary currently spells "relief" Y-O-U-R-V-I-S-A-H-A-S-B-E-E-N-A-P-P-R-O-V-E-D.

aw, motherfuckin' yeah.

wow.

it has been a long time since song lyrics have made me cry.

a long, long time.

spring, spring, a marvelous thing.

you may have heard me lament in the past new york's lamentable tendency to skip spring entirely. it is one of the local area's favorite tricks to give us sixty degree weather in january and then skip straight from winter's death gales to high summer sometime in june. having grown up in a land where the climate is nothing if not painfully consistent (california), i find this maddening. knowing full well how good spring is for me, i lament its absence when it never arrives; the same tendency also makes me feel positively rapturous on those rare occasions when we actually HAVE spring.

as we have today.

today, the weather was in the low sixties and the sky perfectly clear; i saw a cherry tree in the most perfect, ripe stage of bloom--in such full flower it was practically obscene. i ate bread and olive oil with smoked mozzerella for lunch, and bought a perfect avocado on my way home; the windows are open, i have no work to do tonight, there's a new episode of veronica mars on tonight, it's half seven and the sun is still up, and some behind-the-scenes stuff gives me a renewed sense of hope.

i love spring.

so...tired...

i got three hours of sleep last night (non-consecutively). can anyone please explain to me what the hell i'm doing still awake?

i will take this opportunity to catch you up on one or two things--specifically, the new job. which i, miraculously, am still enjoying (you, like my father, may scoff and giggle at my incredulity about this, but i am sure that if you dig back into the annals, you will recall a thing or two about how dreadful my previous jobs were). it's all a little strange to think about, really.

other things i am enjoying: seamed stockings, fresh raspberries, detox tea, zadie smith's new book, stars (the band). yep.

identity.

i sometimes get the feeling that the people i love have a more solid view of Who I Am than i ever have. which is interesting.