still got me.

i wrote this song a few years ago for someone going through a rough patch (and before you ask, no: it was not someone i was dating; his romantic affections did not tend towards persons of my gender); i wanted to give him something to hold on to--a message that i was here for him, that i would never let him fall through the cracks, that someone cared about him, that he had an ally. it wasn't much, but it was all i had. ironically, he decided that he had no use for me as a human being before i ever got to play it for him.

despite that, and despite the fact that it never makes it into a setlist, it remains one of my favorite songs, a soothing balm for a bad day. i think, anyway. it alternately fills me with hope and makes me cry, because i remember exactly how i felt when i wrote it, how i really would have done anything, turned myself inside out, to take away some of his hurt; because sometimes i feel lost and wish someone had written it for me. it's not the best song in the world, but it is heartfelt, and it is something everyone needs to be reminded of from time to time.

this has been a hard year for a lot of people. if you count yourself among that number, this is for you.

Still Got Me (please be kind, it's late and i didn't have the energy to make a better recording)

breathe in, breathe out
that's one more day you've made it through
i know it's hard but that's just what you've got to do
i know that it's hard now
but you can make it through

what's it going to take for you to listen when i say
this is not the worst decision you could possibly have made?

things are going to get better. please just hold on a little longer.

lost and found.

i've lost something, and i'll be damned if i can tell you what it is. but it's gone, and i miss it.

i've found something, and i'll be damned if i can actually tell you what it is. but it is serving its purpose, i suppose.

but i find the world looks a little different. in a way i can't explain, in a way i can't even pinpoint enough to describe. every day seems like a late night drive, and if i weren't breathing the spring air, i might say i'm drowning; certainly mired in underwater light. (it sounds so much more dire and negative than it really is). it's not that i'm unhappy, more that i am awake.

i'm wide awake in more ways than one; at the very least i'm having trouble sleeping.

words are jamming on the tip of my tongue; fighting so hard but not quite making it. but i am patient.