never were my friend.

i don't know what to tell you, 'cos i never learned to talk to you at all
not that you'd ever listen; i may as well have been talking to the wall
you made it very clear to me that you didn't think that i had anything to say
and so i fell to silence, felt the facets of my voice slipping away

till nothing was left of me, nothing remained

but now i give myself permission just to be myself again
'cos now i see things much more clearly
now i see that you, you never were my friend

you said i disappointed you, you said i wasn't who you thought i'd be
don't know what you were expecting, who it was you thought that you might see

and more to the point, what was so wrong with me?

but now i give myself permission just to be myself again
'cos now i see things much more clearly
now i see that you, you never were my friend

i let this, i let this go on for way too long and
i let you convince me i was the one who was wrong
you watched while i vanished; what kind of love is that?
i gave you all i had but now i am taking it back

but now i give myself permission just to be myself again
'cos now i see things much more clearly
now i see that you, you never were my friend

a little late on the old announcement front.

so, we have a website.

and a gig (8:30 pm, Monday Sept 3, the Luna Lounge) coming up.

and you should check them both out!

conundrum.

why is it that i am infinitely forgiving of the foibles and cruelties of others...and so fucking hard on myself?

washout!

so, you may have heard that there was a tornado in brooklyn.

a. tornado.

i woke up yesterday to the sounds of bright thunder and torrential rain; as these are some of my favorite background sounds for sleeping, i paid them no mind, except to sigh a little and snuggle deeper into my covers. oh, the folly! the folly!

when the time came to stagger my sleepy way to work, i arrived on the F platform to discover the mass of humanity packed six deep, and the train on the track standing sheepishly with its doors akimbo, clearly without any intent to get moving. i stood there for ten minutes before i determined i'd had enough of that particular circle of my personal hell, whereupon i decided to make the hike to the Q train, at the north end of the slope.

now, not to be melodramatic, but the scene that flowed across the twenty blocks i had to traverse was not entirely unlike what i remember from the great blackout of 2003, only with the prospect of air conditioning: strangers were talking to each other, asking questions, helping each other out, sharing cabs, all that kind of stuff. if it hadn't been a billion degrees, and i weren't staring down the barrel of at least an hour's worth of tardiness, i think my heart would have been warmed.

anyway. i arrive at the Q only to discover that it has drowned in the rain, as has the 2/3 and the 4/5. it is at this point that i call into the office to inform them that there are no train-oriented routes out of brooklyn; it is also at this point that they tell me to just get a damn taxi and charge it to the company, already. and much as i was secretly hoping they'd just tell me to take the day, making what was doomed to be a hellish commute in air-conditioned luxury was a perfectly acceptable compromise.

i mean, as acceptable as a 3.5 hour trek can be.

mercifully, the day swung up from there: though work seemed to take forever and ever, i did end the day with a musical revue, a contortion act, bourbon, and a really fun card game.

and no further emails, which is always a good thing.

big day.

today is a day of monumental importance. small wonder, then, that my concentration is ABSOLUTELY NIL.

cross your fingers, etc etc.