shivery timbers: living and dying in three-quarter time.

as lykke li says,

i'm good, i'm gone.

and i'd wager nary a one of you will notice.

missing piece.

sometimes...i just don't know where i fit in. i don't think you consider me your friend; i'm not honestly sure you consider me at all, except perhaps in a moment where i bring you some sort of amusement. when i pursue your friendship, when i make you feel tall.

i'm not sure why i've always been relegated to the fringe. i'm not sure why i bother seeking my height amongst pillars that value me so little.

am i so disposable? am i so laughable?

i can almost hear you, saying i told you so...why are you still reading?

intra-atlanticism. or something.

the pull of california is mighty strong these days...

home.

thankful,

for long strides and strong legs
for focus and determination
for a sharp mind
for sharp knives
for dreams and ideas
for this voice
for two months sans cigarettes
for bourbon
for sleep
for the ability to see things as i do
for friends
for the death of fear
for love
for you (your breath at dawn, the smell of your skin)

braaaaaaaaaaains.

her: i had a zombie nightmare last night. we'd gone to visit your family, only it wasn't your family, because there were like thirty of them and they lived in a silo of some sort.

him: ...and there were zombies?

her: we went for a walk, because where we were there were actual stars, and we wanted to see the sunrise. only just before the sun came up, hundreds of people started parachuting into the town square. only they weren't people, they were zombies.

him: that's pretty enterprising of them. i mean, organizing, getting into a plane...enterprising for zombies, anyway.

her: are you maligning the organizational skills of the zombie-americans? because that's discrimination.

burnout.

my birthday is monday.

i'm feeling vaguely brutalized by the pace we've been keeping up at work lately.

spring is in the air.

i need a haircut. also a manicure.

i've been to california twice in the last month. it was hard to come back here.

i find myself having focus pro--oooh, shiny!

sometimes.

every now and then, the lizard brain (which knows far better than the rest of me) speaks loudly enough to hear, to tell me what the right decision is.

the trick is shutting up my stubborn conscious mind, which likes to ruin everything.

history repeating. again.

this is the second time i've had to undergo the test; the second time i've come home in agony, desperate to do anything besides cry myself to sleep, to absolutely no avail.

such a low threshold for pain, sometimes.

down in the capery.

i've got a plan, i'm gonna find you at the end of the world.

when catastrophe strikes, the natural inclination is to hold on to those you love, to support one another and shore up the worn patches until the storm subsides.

so what do you do when the support you need most is the catastrophe itself?

heyguesswhat!

i've got a mini photo exhibit in the pipeline--i'll be showing some stuff at naidre's cafe in park slope, starting tonight, going for about a month.

come on down if you're in the neighborhood!

what photographers do when they're bored and alone at work. and have a new haircut.

resolutions. or maybe just resolve.

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. and now it's over. goodbye, 2007, hello 2008! may the eight at your tail bode a better year around here!

in 2008, i resolve to:

- do less stupid shit. seriously. (or, rather, behave less idiotically)
- do more fun stuff. preferably with camera in hand.
- take a trip somewhere fun. perhaps beijing, or new zealand. or france.
- play out (i know, every year i threaten.)
- exhibit my photos.
- take a class, ideally in typography or lighting.
- brush up my french. start learning mandarin.
- beat this year's tally of 42 new books (and something like thirty old favorites) read
- sleep more. drink ~~less~~ better quality liquor.
- master the art of poaching fish.
- take a stab at coq au vin and cassoulet.
- sing more, just generally.
- be happy. worry less. smile more. love.
- be kinder to myself. be kinder to others.
- forgive. myself and anyone else who needs it.
- incorporate more glitter into my lifestyle.

i think that's enough to get me started, don't you? or do you have a suggestion or two?

update: oh, and also: be more patient! which probably should have topped the list, as there is little in my life that causes more problems than my tendency to rush rush rush.